shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
