where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to make a zoo with you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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