Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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