he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
