you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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