physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
