I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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