Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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