shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
