they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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