I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You ruined the universe
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
