Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
