After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
