I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
