The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
