Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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