That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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