I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
