Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
