Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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