Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
