K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What a dumb baby whore.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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