Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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