my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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