Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
did i just pee glitter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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