Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
