Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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