saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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