You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
