Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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