his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
