Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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