I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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