I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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