I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
