yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
