I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
