Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
