we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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