I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
