I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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