Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
