i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
