i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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