Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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