I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry about my life...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
