This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
