Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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