Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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