The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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