We named our party play list daddy issues
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
