i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
